


Rogues No Longer

by Texeoghea



Category: The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Forever, Kinda, Legos, Multi, The PlanTM is kinda like that???, all of them - Freeform, also the ships other than batjokes wont be the main focus but they will be referenced, based off a tumblr post, but i cant write about all of them specifically, directly, gay legos, like literally all of them are in on the eventual plan, messy tags, reformation au, the chapters will get longer, theyre all gay, this is messy bc i'm trying to do it quick, youll see when you read
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-15 08:51:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11227524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Texeoghea/pseuds/Texeoghea
Summary: When Joker realizes that he and his friends are no longer really committing crimes, Batman (and Robin) have to find a way to cheer up the clown. They method they find isn't exactly... let's say a normal step, but it works, doesn't it?





	1. The Beginning

“I just… feel like i’m not even a villain anymore, Batsy…” Joker sighed. He looked out over the city of Gotham, the lights bright and shimmering even though it was late at night. Batman sat next to him, hand in hand. He swung his legs like a kid, feeling a bit awkward. He wasn’t good at people, what was he supposed to do here? “My crimes aren’t even crimes! I haven’t even done anything evil today! I’m not the Clown Prince of Crime, i’m just nobody. The Clown Nobody of Nothing.” Joker sat dejected on the edge of the roof.

Bruce looked down at the street, where the people of Gotham milled about. He, out of habit, started picking out the people he recognized from the rogues’ past crimes. There was that guy from Penguin’s bar, that guy whose arm got pulled off by the Riddler somehow, the boy that Harley high-fived so hard his finger broke (she felt so bad about that), and so on. He zoned out for a bit before being called back to the present by Joker squeezing his hand. Bruce squeezed back, more out of habit than anything, before realizing something. “Hey wait, you HAVEN’T done anything evil lately!”

Joker turned. “Yeah, I know, I just said that,” He said sharply, but Bruce continued. “And that means you AREN’T evil, which means you can be GOOD AND AWESOME, like me!” He was getting excited now, with his badly-portrayed plan. “Uh, you’ve lost me, Bats.” Joker said monotonously as Bruce hopped up from his seat. “And, and, and! And if all the other dumb criminals that you call friends stop doing evil things, then you won’t have to and you can be good instead and the city will be saved!” He was giddy now. “So, let me get this straight. You want us to stop committing crimes so the city can be saved, because i’ve already lost my luster.” Bruce nodded vigorously.

Joker sighed and ran a hand down his face, smearing his makeup a little. “Okay, first off, no. That is not happening, because even if I agreed with that, which I don’t! None of the others would either. They like wreaking havoc.” Bruce scoffed. “Yeah right. You saw how much fun they were having saving the city from all those bad guys you pulled from the Phantom Zone! They’d totally make great good guys.” Joker looked at him levelly. “Okay, but they’re also very accustomed to this lifestyle, and if they tried to reform now, they’d never get a job or any citizen friends because of their reputation. It’s a bit too late for any action.” Bruce thought for a moment about that. “Then we’ll use that to our advantage!” He shouted again, and then ran off before Joker could question him further. The clown watched as he vaulted across to another roof before saying quietly, “Sometimes I think he really is Batty.” 


	2. The First Attempt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Batman attempts to talk to some other criminals about his plan. They don't seem very keen.

“Where are we going, batdad? Why are we in our costumes?” Robin asked as he settled in the passenger side of the Batmobile, buckling himself in. “We’re going to pay a visit to the Dork Squad, Robin. And they’re not costumes, they’re super-cool under cover outfits for crime fighting and other hero duties.” Batman growled, zipping out of the cave. Robin cheered. “Yay! Mister Riddler said that he was working on another game! I wonder if he finished? And mister Scarecrow said that he’d let me pet his birds if I ever went over again, and they looked so soft, I can’t wait! I wonder if mister Hatter is gonna be there?” Batman shook his head at his son’s shenanigans. “Robin, they’re evil criminals who want to destroy the city, not radical, super-chill dudes who just, like, wanna have a good time.” He stopped at a stoplight. “They like me, though. They all do! The rogues let me come over and play with their pets and stuff, it’s super cool! Did you know that Harley and Ivy have two pet hyenas?” Batman sighed as Robin went off on another accidental rant on how cool all the villians were.  
...  
“So, let me get this straight,” Scarecrow said, leaning on the doorframe of his apartment. “You want me, Eddie n’ Jerv, along with all the other rogues of the city, to give up our life of crime and become performers at a circus, or something equally as silly, so that Joker may or may not be happy again.” Batman and Robin nodded vigorously. Scarecrow sighed and ran a hand over his sack-face and up through his hair. “That’s adorable, but that plan sucks. Really badly.” He said flatly. Batman sputtered. “You’re lucky i’m not carrying you off to Arkham right now! You, you, you- You!!” He shouted. Riddler poked his head up from the couch in the background. “Ohh, is that Bats?” He asked. “Hush, Eddie, the adults are talking,” Scarecrow waved his hand. Riddler made an indignant noise, but any protest was drowned out by video game noises. “As for that, ah, brilliant plan, Bats, you actually can’t do that, because I have not done a single dastardly thing in a week, and just got back from my job a few minutes ago. I am technically a law-abiding citizen as of late.” Robin peeked out from behind Batman. “You have a job?” Scarecrow looked flatly at him. “No, i’m just wearing a Luigi’s Pizza shirt because I feel like it. What do you think?” Robin frowned a bit, and Scarecrow felt a little bad, but then Riddler piped up again. “OHH IS THAT ROBIN?! HI ROBIN!” He shouted and waved. Robin bounced up and down in excitement and waved back. “Hi mister Riddler!” the man gestured. “Come here, I wanna show you this new game I made!” Scarecrow took the queue to pull a leg back to let Robin through the door, letting the question-marked man fawn over the child while he and the Bat talked. A crow flapped down from the roof and landed on the handrail, and Scarecrow immediately scooped it up and pet it before continuing. “I admit that our latest fights and heists haven’t been either fun or productive, and if we don’t find some way of income soon we may need to rob a bigger bank, or- and this is purely hypothetical- get a different job. But there are two big problems with that, Bats,” The strange-looking man said, looking at the vigilante seriously, “Even if everyone else wanted in on this little plan- which I doubt they do- who would hire us? We’re criminals, everyone hates us. I’m lucky I got a job in the first place, and it’s not exactly a welcoming one. What could you possibly think of that would give all of us the chance to do something good, while being supported by outside forces more than we support each other? The idea is good, but the execution is simply impossible.” Laughter erupted from inside, and it was safe to assume that some strange glitch in whatever game Riddler had created had made the gameplay more enjoyable. “We’ll make sure Robin gets back to the mansion before sundown, Bruce. Have a good day.” And Scarecrow shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the rogues have adopted Robin as their child. They love him. Anyway, these dorks will probably appear again in alter chapters, but that's it for now. Next chapter will be Harley and Ivy, then probably Bane and Two-Face, and then some others, like Calendar Man and Condiment King, my sons. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off a tumblr post between I and @jokin-around, where Jokes realizes that his crimes are lackluster at best and have become more frilly and intricate, and then i suggested that batman and robin figure out a way for the rogues, instead of actual crime, to make interactive, city-wide "heist" skits, so they can do what they do best, and also rake in a bunch of cash from tourists. this also makes the streets surprisingly clean of crime, and gotham becomes a somewhat decent city- other than all the explosions and costumed circus performers.


End file.
